Laughter helps us transcend our suffering... - Paul Pearsall
The word "silly" derives from the Greek "selig" meaning "blessed."
Some say the use of sentences are a sign of higher intelligence. I say it is laughter.
God Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule
NEW YORK-Responding to recent events on Earth, God, the omniscient creator-deity worshipped by billions of followers of various faiths for more than 6,000 years, clarified His longtime stance against humans killing each other. "Look, I don't know, maybe I haven't made myself completely clear, so for the record, here it is again," said the Lord, His divine face betraying visible emotion during a press conference near the site of the fallen Twin Towers. "Somehow, people keep coming up with the idea that I want them to kill their neighbor. Well, I don't. Not only do I not want anybody to kill anyone, but I specifically commanded you not to, in really simple terms that anybody ought to be able to understand."
Worshipped by Christians, Jews, and Muslims alike, God said His name has been invoked countless times over the centuries as a reason to kill in what He called "an unending cycle of violence." "I don't care how holy somebody claims to be," God said. "If a person tells you it's My will that they kill someone, they're wrong. Got it? I don't care what religion you are, or who you think your enemy is, here it is one more time: No killing, in My name or anyone else's, ever again."
The press conference came as a surprise to humankind, as God rarely intervenes in earthly affairs. As a matter of longstanding policy, He has traditionally left the task of interpreting His message and divine will to clerics, rabbis, priests, imams, and Biblical scholars. Theologians and laymen alike have been given the task of pondering His ineffable mysteries, deciding for themselves what to do as a matter of faith. His decision to manifest on the material plane was motivated by the deep sense of shock and sorrow He felt over the Sept. 11 violence carried out in His name, and over its dire potential ramifications around the globe. "I had to finally deliver this message myself seeing as how the interpretations keep getting fouled up or bogged down and confused with dogma," said God, called Yahweh and Allah respectively in the Judaic and Muslim traditions.
For Your Eyes Only:
Special Forces have covertly captured the Notorious Osama Bin Laden. Although this is what every arm of our military and secret operations set out to do, we never expected to succeed. This left us in a rather tricky situation as to what to do with him. If we terminated him, we would create a martyr. If we held him prisoner, his followers would be inspired to take hostages and demand his release.
After several think-tanks and the most creative, brilliant minds of the free world were pressed into action, we came up with a plan that we think must have been divinely inspired.
Immediately Bin Laden was secretly flown to an undisclosed military hospital that was customized for an operation never before attempted in such a facility. Several of the world's top plastic surgeons gathered to quickly perform a complete, flawless sex-change operation--a true piece of Western craftsmanship I might add. She’s a beauty!
I am now happy to report that as of 0-600 hours this morning, she was safely returned to Afghanistan and released unto the streets to live as a woman under the rule of the Taliban. We are terribly proud of ourselves and believe that poetic justice has been served.
Good Day.
Letter of Caution:
Don't go to the bathroom on October 28th. CIA intelligence reports that a major plot is planned for that day. Reports indicate that organized groups of terrorists are planning to rise up into unsuspecting American's toilet bowls when they are doing their dirty business.
I usually don't send e-mails like this, but I got this information from a reliable source. It came from a friend of a friend whose cousin is dating this girl whose brother knows this guy whose wife knows this lady whose husband buys hotdogs from this guy who knows a shoeshine guy who shines the shoes of a mailroom worker who has a friend who's drug dealer who sells drugs to another mailroom worker who works in the CIA building.
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